By Stephen C. Schultz
If
you are the parent of a teen, chances are you have a pretty good idea when things
are amiss. In fact, for most parents, they have that "parents Intuition" when thoughts, attitudes and behaviors are
headed in an unhealthy direction. The problem is, we as parents don’t want to think
that our teen would make such decisions. As parents, when we are faced with our
child’s behavior, often we rationalize the situation with thoughts and statements like;
“When
I was their age, I struggled with some of the same things. It’s not that big of
a deal!”
“Oh…it’s
just hormones, she’ll be fine.”
“All
teens go through that. He’ll grow out of it.”
As
a parent, how do we know when the problems are more serious or if our teens are
simply going through the normal adolescent stages of development? How do we
really know if it is a bigger problem than we realize? There is no parental
“Owner’s Manual” or “Recipe” for raising kids.
When
we suspect there is something that needs to be addressed, the first course of
action is usually seeing an outpatient therapist. Teens generally go
begrudgingly and parents are often relieved and hopeful that the teen agrees to go. However, after a month or two, it is often obvious that not much
progress is happening. Unfortunately, teens often perceive the therapist as
simply an extension of the parental authority. If the teens behaviors seem to
get worse or they continue to begrudgingly attend therapy and not engage in the
process, then a residential setting may need to be considered.
When
families find themselves in this situation, they often think that the therapy
has failed, the therapist isn't a good therapist or that their son or daughter
is beyond help and is treatment resistant. Outpatient visits are one solution out of
many. A teens failure to engage in outpatient therapy usually is not a reflection on the therapist. It usually means that a different level of care is needed. Within the healthcare industry, usually the “least restrictive” level of care is recommended. These levels of care are on what is called a continuum of care. Outpatient therapy is simply one level on the continuum. Read on to see three signs that outpatient therapy might not be the right level of care.
Lack
of motivation
As
the parent, do you constantly remind and plan and worry more about your teen’s
activities than they do? Does it feel like you are always “Nagging” them to get
things done or to be where they need to be? Does your teen seclude them self
and find it difficult to interact with age appropriate peers? When they do
engage with others, is it mostly through technology, social media and/or gaming?
Have grades slipped over the last year? Has your teen developed a regular study
schedule or is school work left to the last minute…if done at all? Has personal
hygiene become a concern?
Damaged
Family Relationships
Over
the last year or so, has the yelling and family discord increased? Is there
more fighting and contention? Do family members “walk on egg shells” to avoid
interacting with your teen? Does it seem that your teen always seems to have a “center
of the universe” mentality? Is everything always about them, with very little
regard for others feelings or emotional needs? Is your teen always more concerned
about their activities with friends. Do they come and go at will, with zero
regard for others schedules or activities? Does your teen scrutinize every rule
you as a parent have put in place? Is there suspected or actual drug and
alcohol use?
“Failure
to Launch”
Did
you recognize some of the above listed patterns of behavior while your teen was
in High School? Did you keep telling yourself that she will grow out of it? However,
was the first semester of college a disaster? Has your son or daughter
struggled to gain adult competency and master the responsibilities of
independence at an age appropriate level? Are they now a “twenty something” living at
home, in and out of entry level jobs, seemingly lost, depressed or perfectly
comfortable living with mom and dad? Do you find yourself, as the parent,
lecturing all the time and having discussions about getting a job? Do you find
yourself frustrated and angry with their lack of motivation and then feeling
pains of guilt because he is your child?
It’s
difficult enough as a parent to navigate these situations when they are
presented. When scenarios like those mentioned above are complicated by other
issues, it becomes even more difficult to manage. Other complicating
factors may include teens and young adults who struggle with adoption issues. Others may battle a Non-verbal
Learning Disorder (NLD). Then there is the long list of more common diagnoses
such as; Depression, Anxiety, Bi-Polar Disorder, Substance Abuse and
Autistic Spectrum disorder (ASD).
If
you as a parent find yourself relating to any of the above situations, then
seeking help for your teen or young adult at a more appropriate level of care
may be the answer you are looking for. Most children do not simply “grow” out
of the issues and concerns listed above. If outpatient therapy has been a
struggle, then a thorough investigation of Residential or Wilderness Therapy
may be an option. You can also learn more about Residential and Wilderness
Therapy from an Independent Educational Consultant
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